Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wonderfully blissful dreams marred by reality intervening.

Did I have a good summer? For the most part, yes. Would have kept enjoying it and really develop a taste for it if the means by which I could entertain myself (the harsh reality that money makes the world go round and my dead end job is what keeps my particular world spinning on its axis) wasn't desperately running low. So, regretfully, I returned back to school.

Best and worst choice I ever made was taking a full day off yesterday for my birthday. I spent the whole day watching movies, eating junk food, moseying about the city and disconnecting from the media devices I've becomes so attached to so that I could appreciate even more. Ah, such a wonderful wonderful day. That was the best part. The worst part...that it was yesterday and today paled in comparison to yesterday.

Phasing back to reality is taking a little longer than usual this year, as you may be able to tell.

I'm at home tonight walking a few blocks of memory lane. Did I do all I want to do this summer to satisfy spending 10 months of waiting until I can live it up as a "free woman" again? I don't know just yet....I'm still in that phase of shock that my summer is over. I drove through downtown after work this afternoon silently cursing at people who appeared to not have anywhere like work to go to. Jealously of a temporary carefree existence that they have an extension on surged through my veins as I remember mine has been ripped away from me as of this Monday. I doodled sandbuckets and shovels repeatedly in my notebook during endless hours of inservice meetings, despite having no interest of going to the beach or seasides during my summer breaks. I spent one day out of this whole summer in any form of water other than a shower, but I'd spend a whole week in stagnant public pool water if it meant I could live wondrously amongst the land of the living again for a few moments longer.

Oh, I cannot say that summer didn't have it's woeful moments. There were the moments of complete and absolute boredom when I didn't really have anything to. There were the failed summer romances that I lived and had to recover from in the same breath. There was the lack of financing to allow me to truly live things up.

But there were all the delightful moments that I can remember as well. The nights staying late with friends talking about nothing. There were the nights where the air was just cool enough to sit on the roof of my car and listen to soundtracks I spent the whole day making for moments like those. There was the wandering aimlessly through downtown streets observing the city I live in. There was the moment I remember stealing a kiss on the middle of South Congress at 3am in the safety of knowing no one would be passing on that street in the middle of the night on such a day like this. Because normal people would be asleep and hours ago, they'd gone to bed in preparation for a job that would awake them in the morning.

It's the same sort of existence I've returned to myself.

Yes, oh yes. I think I really enjoyed the summer to the fullest of mine own expectations. I'll take that good despite that bad and daydream about its loveliness until I can revisit those moments again.

-the end-

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